At the risk of sounding like a girl...

So this was a lovely surprise. Earlier in the week, my best friend and former roommate emailed me and requested to choose the HBOTW. Before I could even answer, she said she'd do half of the work for me and emailed me a bunch of pictures. After the power that the HBOTW selection had for Patrick Eaves last week, I kinda had planned to either pick a Red Wing or pick someone who was playing against a team that is also fighting for a playoff spot in the Western Conference. This guy does not fit either category but she already found all of these pictures and did all of the work for me during a busy week (that I will discuss later). How can I turn that down?

So SB lives in New York City and doesn't have cable so she rarely gets to watch hockey on television. Apparently the other day, she caught a Rangers game on television and was really struck with the beauty that is Henrik Lundqvist. She immediately worried that she was a traitor to another Swede named Henrik that she loves, Mr. Zetterberg. I assured her there was nothing wrong with loving them both.

See? There's absolutely nothing wrong with admiring that smile. Teeth really freak me out so I try not to focus on them usually but he has really pretty teeth. I don't know if they're fake or what the deal is with them. I just know that they're perfect.

Henrik Lundqvist is the "sexiest ice man" and Sean Avery is not, according to this headline. I don't think there's any reason to apologize to Sean Avery for this.

SB is a huge fan of the Team Sweden so I'm going to guess that she sent me this one because it's one of her favorites.

Again, King Henrik definitely has that same 'look' that I apparently love. Longer, dark hair. Lots o' stubble. Good at hockey. That's the perfect man right there.

Ahhhhh, the required suit photo. To be a HBOTW, you must have a nice suit photo. (There are few exceptions.) Oh, and a shot you laying in bed, laughing and joking around? Yes, please.

So 2 things:

1) Tonight, I went down to Sticks & Mitts Fandemonium at the Lucas County Arena to meet some Walleye and Mud Hens players. It was great and fun but the worst part was IMMEDIATELY after walking in the door. My greatest fear was realized when I was accosted by Spike, one of the mascots. This will be discussed at length in the third installment of Mascot Mania, which I will write sometime next week since I'll be out of town this weekend.

2) Out of town, you say? On Friday, I'm driving to Washington DC. SB is taking a bus down from NYC and meeting me there. I'm really excited because I've never been there before. I have a freakin degree in History and I've never been to DC. Totally weird, I know. Saturday night, we're going to the Coyotes/Capitals game so I'm very happy about this. It'll be a great weekend and I know there will be lots of pictures and stories next week. Yay.

Mascot Mania: WTF? Part 2

Part 2 of the 6 part series
Check out Part 1: The Central Division

So I have tried to find the exact name for 'fear of mascots' but my search hasn't been too successful. My theory, and I say it about a million times a day, is that everything can be found on the internet. I can only think of one recent instance where the internet has failed me. (At work a few months ago, I bet a co-worker that I could find anything on the internet because I'm known as the person who can find a picture of any random thing. She asked me to find a picture of a random scene of an episode of Scrubs where Zach Braff and Mandy Moore are dating, then JD has a vision of them being old, then they rip off their old person masks. I searched all day and could not find it. I had failed, or the internet had failed me.) The point is that I did find a word for 'fear of mascots', that being masklophobia. I'm skeptical about this word though because a quick google search only showed up with 628 results. In contrast to that, 'fear of mascots' returns over a million results. I'm thinking that masklophobia is something someone made up once and it kinda spread. I suppose after today, there will be 629 results since I just keep writing about it.

Today, I had Jen randomly select which division I would be writing about. I named the divisions and she chose the Atlantic. Her reasoning is that she once flew over the Atlantic on her way to Europe. I suppose that is true. Excellent choice.

New Jersey Devils:

Now I believe, and SB please correct me if I'm wrong, that this is the New Jersey Devil standing in front of a PATH train. PATH trains are how one gets from NYC to Jersey. I have a hard time remembering from my time living in NYC last year because I do not believe that I've ever been sober on said PATH trains. You have to be drunk to enjoy New Jersey.

Now, on to the Devil itself. I actually like this mascot more than most others. Again, he's got the same problem as our good friend, Tommyhawk, who got all dressed up for hockey and then put on shoes. That just looks goofy. I do enjoy that he taped his socks though.

Question: Did he steal Brodeur's equipment? That bag clearly says 30 on it.

What is the New Jersey Devil though? It is a mythical creature that supposedly lives in southern NJ. According to wikipedia, it is a "flying biped with hooves". Ummmmmm, what? I apologize for the next picture because it is actually scarier than the mascot.

Ummmmm, again, what? In some strange way, I kinda wish this is what they had running around the Prudential Center. I could care less if it had a jersey on and anything affiliated with the team. I would want to see children's faces when having this come mess with them. I know, I'm going to hell. It's cool.

New York Islanders:

This is Sparky, the NY Islanders dragon. At first, I just didn't get it. Hockey. Dragons. Long Island. What's the connection? After further research, I learned that there is an arena football team called the New York Dragons that happens to be owned by Charles Wang. This is the same Charles Wang that owns the Isles. And we can now say a collective, "Ahhhhhhhh, I get it."

I give him credit that his shoes are, I think, supposed to look like skates. Apparently, his tail also looks like a hockey stick but I've seen no photographic evidence of that. Wait, does arena football even exist anymore? I thought it was going to be split into two leagues and then something happened and now it doesn't exist? I have no idea.

Sparky the Dragon is a new mascot for the Islanders, only existing since Charles Wang purchased the team obviously. Previous to that, it was something called Nyisles, which is an abomination of a name if you ask me. Also, an abomination of a mascot too.

I do not like him. He looks mean. He doesn't look like he would pump me up for an Islanders game in the 90s, while listening to Ace of Base (that would be a shout out to The Production Line) and wearing a scrunchie. He looks like he would murder me and put me in the trunk of his car. Also, does he have braces?

New York Rangers:

The New York Rangers are one of only four teams that do not have a mascot. In lieu of a mascot, I will simply provide this picture.

Ugh. And I remember when you were a Red Wing and I didn't hate you. I never said I liked you either. Just that I didn't hate you.

Philadelphia Flyers:

Philadelphia is another one of the few teams that lack a mascot. I guess they had one called "Slapshot" back in the late 70s. I have tried and tried to find pictures for the last few days but the internet, or late 70s Philadelphia hockey fans, have failed me. Again, lacking a real mascot, I shall have to choose one myself. This'll do:

Cool hair, bro. Nah, I'm just kidding.

Pittsburgh Penguins:

I guess it's fair to say that I like this mascot, Iceburgh, exponentially more than the actual team. He is one of a fairly large percentage of bird mascots and I don't really understand most of them, but a penguin, I can understand. He's all about cold weather and ice, unlike say, Brown Thrashers that fly south for the winter (but trust me, I'll rip on that once I get to the Southeast division).

Iceburgh is fairly new to the team though. In 1968, those marketing geniuses in Pittsburgh thought, "Hmmmm, we should get a real penguin and let him live in the arena. That sounds like a great idea. Nothing could go wrong here."

So the Pittsburgh Zoo loaned Penguin Pete to the team during the season. He came out on the ice during intermission and played. Sounds like a grand time. Yeah, well, Penguin Pete died a month into the season because the asshats on the ice crew kept his little area too warm. A penguin died of pneumonia. I don't know, that just strikes me as kinda hard to pull off. Think about it: They are a crew of people in charge of keeping ice frozen and at an even temperature. How hard would it be to create a cold area for a penguin? Also, this thing is used to living in effing Antarctica. If you were to go a little overboard on the ice factor, I'm pretty sure it would survive. The lesson here is that that when dealing with penguin climates, err on the side of caution, colder = better. And also, why did the zoo so willingly give away an animal to live at an ice rink with a bunch of people who, apparently, don't know how to take care of a penguin? But I suppose if anyone was going to find a way to screw that up, it would be a bunch of Pittsburgh people. So good job.

THEN, in 1971, someone else loaned the Pittsburgh Penguins ANOTHER PENGUIN! (I have not found anything that says if it was from the Pittsburgh Zoo again but where else does one apprehend a penguin in Pittsburgh? I would assume, from the zoo.) "Well, we know you killed that last one in less than 30 days so this time, try to be a little more careful." For real? Yeah, at least this penguin survived the 1971-72 season. After that, the Penguins decided to stop having a real penguin, more than likely because that seems like a lot of unnecessary work just for intermission entertainment when everyone is getting food and standing in line for the bathroom anyway. Just sayin.

In conclusion...
-Does anyone feel like they're going to see the non-mascot New Jersey devil haunting their dreams tonight?
-Does anyone know what's the deal with Nyisles' nose? It's like there's a softball in there, my God.
-Does anyone want to make fun of Avery in the comments? Because that's definitely welcome.
-Does anyone have any pictures and can locate any pictures of Slapshot, the Philadelphia Flyers short-lived mascot?
-Does anyone want to try to rationalize the Penguin Pete situation?

And just as a sidenote...

Found it. Oh hells yeah.

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

Yes, it's HBOTW day. No, you're not crazy. No, it's not Thursday. Yes, it's Friday. I was planning on waiting another week before bringing this back because I didn't want it to step on the toes of Mascot Mania. At work this morning, I received this:

From: Abby
Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 11:03 AM
To: Leslie
Subject:

Umm soo… I didn’t get the link for HBOTW yesterday :( Not going to lie my smile faded slightly as I logged onto my email today and did not see it…

I'm hoping this will satisfy her need for hockey boys for this week and that she will appreciate my multi-tasking abilities. I hadn't really been worrying about who the next HBOTW would be because I figured I had another week to think about it. Because last night's game is still fresh on my brain, I'm going to do something that I try not to do. I typically try not to be too Red Wings-centric, as hard as that is for me, but today? I don't care. Today's HBOTW: Patrick Eaves. Because my favorite thing in the world? Dark-haired, scruffy hockey-playing boys. But I had to check in with Abby because she's in charge today...

From: Leslie
Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 1:11 PM
To: Abby
Subject: heyyyyyy

Since I’m writing this FOR YOU… I don’t remember what kind of hockey guys you always say you like: the pretty ones or the scruffy ones? (Please say scruffy… please say scruffy…) I’m trying to remember what you said in the great Zach and Jordan Parise debate.

From: Abby
Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 1:12 PM
To: Leslie
Subject: RE: heyyyyyy

Definitely Scruffy! :)

Is he manly enough for ya? He looks very intense and focused and I like that. The beard is a nice touch as well. It's not too sparse and not too full; it is just the right amount.

Even with that ridiculous uniform, he still looks good and surprisingly happy for having to live in Ottawa. Here's an interesting note: Patrick Eaves was born in Calgary but raised in the US. He holds dual citizenship. Oh my god, it's like the best of both worlds! He's Canadian AND he's American!? That makes him like super-human, I think.

I'm really loving to Draper-Helm-Eaves line that's been playing lately and I'm hoping that Eaves really steps up and makes a name for himself. With everyone coming back from injury, it's going to be interesting to see what happens in the next few weeks and who is still going to be playing with the Wings in March and beyond.

So I know that a few weeks ago, I think in the great Zach and Jordan Parise debate in my office, Abby commented that she had to hold out judgment on which brother she liked better until she could see them without shirts on. I googled and searched all afternoon with very little to show for it. Needless to say, that debate is apparently still open (so if anyone does have shirtless Parise brother pics, you know where to find me...). Luckily for Abby, I did run across this picture so she will not be so conflicted about things today:

This is a great picture for a multitude of reasons, namely that he's half-dressed. My complaint about this picture though? His hair. Push that back, brother. You look like you're 40 (And he's not, he was born in 1984.) It looks silly like this, which brings me to my next point:

Patrick Eaves appears to have gone through many different hairstyles during his hockey career. I will show you some examples and then we'll discuss which one we like best, yes?

Now I'm generally not someone who likes long hair on guys, with the exception of Brock Wilson, may he rest in peace in effing Utah, but I think my favorite is the current long-haired Red Wing look. The college, spiky hair is a little goofy looking. The pre-Red Wing picture is good and all but the gravity-defying tuft of hair in the front is a little bit 'pretty boy' for me. Again, just my opinion. So, which Patrick Eaves is your favorite?

PS- Brock Wilson isn't dead. He was traded for a bag of cash because the Walleye had like 11 defensemen. It was a sad, sad day and I'm still working on getting over it. Clearly, I'm not there yet.

UPDATE:

This right here? Is why long hair wins. The moment his helmet came off yesterday was the moment I knew I was right. Yeah, I can see how the middle hair choice isn't fundamentally bad but in the fight, this is what you wanna see. Short hair would never look that sexy while fighting. Just sayin.

Seriously though, Eaves had a fight and a timely 3rd period game-tying goal and he looked good while doing it. I'd say he lived up to his HBOTW status and then some. Also, I love that the moment he started fighting, my phone went crazy with people telling me that "HBOTW is fighting!" Love it! Thanks!

Mascot Mania: WTF? Part 1

Part 1 of a 6 part series...

I had never really given a lot of thought to mascots until a few years ago. At that time, I met someone through a mutual friend and I immediately didn't like this kid. I could tell that he was just bad news. He was rude, disrespectful and I couldn't figure out why a 20-something guy was dating young girls. Like YOUNG girls. Like super jailbait, not old enough to drive girls. Then, I found out that this gentleman's profession was to dress up as two very well-known mascots here in town.

I was repulsed by this.

I personally find many things about this guy to be disgusting. To find out that he could be inside that costume, looking at little 12 year old girls and thinking about them sexually made me really think about the fact that you have no idea who is inside those costumes. This is such a creepy idea and I've thought about this so much over the past few years that it's now to the point that mascots really freak me out.

So when the Toledo Walleye announced that this past Sunday's game would be called Mascot Mania, I was apprehensive, as was Schmegan, who attends all the games with me. The plans were that 14 mascots from various sports teams, colleges and businesses around the Toledo area would have mascots at the game. (Yes, the skeevy guy I know was there but I'm not sure which mascot he was that day since he's been 6 of the 14 characters represented. I don't know which one he was assigned that day.) They would be walking around the concourse and messing with people during the first intermission. During the second intermission, they would play a game of dodgeball on the ice. Despite my fear, my curiosity got the best of me and we went to the game anyway.

Even though we knew that the mascots would be out in full force on the concourse during the first intermission, Schmegan and I both really wanted ice cream. We figured it would be safe to sneak upstairs since the ice cream concession stand is just at the top of our section. Well, no. When we came upstairs, we were right in between JJ Jaguar, the mascot for Owens Community College (I wasn't aware they had a mascot), and something called Mudevious, one of the Toledo Mud Hens billion mascots that they've invented. They were both terrifying. They were touching children. They were hitting people on the head and running away. They were causing havoc and I almost had a heart attack.

This reminded me of an instance a few years ago when I was at the NHL All Star Game in Atlanta and all the mascots were wandering around the stands during the Skills Competition. It was insane. That damn Calgary thing would NOT leave me alone. I did not like it and I thought I was going to have to pull a Mactavish to get it to go away. Luckily, it did not come to this.

It was soooooo tempting.

I still don't really understand what this thing is. A dog? A wolf? Does it matter? It's just annoying. And I realized that I'm uncomfortable with mascots running around because I'm not used to that happening at hockey games. I've spent my life going to Red Wings games and they don't have some fool running around in a costume. (I guess they did have Dukes the dog at Toledo Storm games but he never really bothered me because he was tough, awesome and aware of my personal space. It makes me really sad that I just spent 20 minutes searching for a picture of him and I can't find one anyone. Storm hockey is dead and I hate that.)

The point of all of this is that I wanted to take a look at all of the mascots of the NHL. When I was at the All Star Game, I couldn't tell who all of them were because some are really obscure and there's a large percentage of birds and bears. I think that some of the mascots are really random and, honestly, pointless. So over the next few weeks, I will be uncovering who some of these mascots are. Today, we will start with the Central Division...

The Chicago Blackhawks:

This is Tommyhawk. He's some kind of freaky bird thing. According to his profile on the Blackhawks website, he enjoys playing hockey, reading, dancing, spraying silly string, laying eggs, and getting the bird's eye view. His dislikes? Detroit. See, I don't him already. Actually, the real reason I don't like him is his shoes. He's a bird; why does he need shoes? Why do they have laces? Why couldn't he just have bird feet? If I'm supposed to accept that a giant bird is a big cheerleader for a hockey team, why wouldn't I accept that he isn't expected to wear shoes? I don't know. I'm thinking about it too hard.

The Columbus Blue Jackets:

I have a lot of issues with the Columbus Blue Jackets as a whole and Stinger, this giant green bug character, is a big part of that. See, I get the whole Civil War history thing that the Blue Jackets are trying to accomplish. How could I not? I was born in Columbus and have lived in Ohio for 23 of my 24 years on earth. On top of that, I have a degree in history (albeit not with a focus on the Civil War but I do have an above average knowledge of my own local history). But what's the deal with this bug? He's really only around because he was featured on the old Blue Jackets jerseys. But why? I can't figure out if he's supposed to represent something here in Ohio or if he's just a random insect. I can assure you that I have never seen anything like that running around here. What kind of bug is he? Because his name is Stinger, I assume he is some kind of hornet-type thing but if they wanted to pick something "local", they should have gone with a mosquito or a mayfly. Perhaps because mascots are terrifying, they should have just gone with the single most frightening Ohio bug ever: THE CICADA. I just don't understand it.

The Detroit Red Wings:
The Red Wings do not have an anthropomorphic, scary mascot running around the stands. I don't really think this counts as a "mascot" then but from googling "Detroit Red Wings mascot", apparently, everyone else considers Al the Octopus to be the mascot of the Red Wings. Okay, fine.

He chills in the rafters with the banners all year long. Then, at the beginning of every playoff game, he explodes out of the jumbotron before going up to loom above the visiting goalie. I'm okay with this because at no point in time does he try to touch me and mess with me in any way.

I just love this picture. I really don't think it's necessary to explain where the Octopus thing comes from. Long story short: It was 1952. It only took 8 games to win the Stanley Cup, 4 wins in each round. Pete and Jerry Cusimano owned a fish market. They threw an octopus on the ice. Wings won the Cup. We still do it today.

I guess it's a mascot in the sense that it's a symbol of the team and the organization. I just generally consider mascots to be scary things that walk around and take pictures with children. That's all.

The Nashville Predators:

Okay, here's a mascot that REALLY freaks me out. This is Gnash of the Nashville Predators. Isn't that some nifty word play? I think the reason I don't enjoy this character is his tight shirt combined with his facial expression. Really, this thing looks like it could kick my ass. It has bulging biceps and rock hard abs. Perhaps I'm just imagining the abs but seriously, this is some scary stuff. Also, the fact that he's wearing the jersey that has his picture on it makes me a little uncomfortable. It would be like me wearing a t shirt with my profile on it and that's just not cool.

The St. Louis Blues:

Now this is a mascot I can get on board with. This is Louie, the St. Louis Blues polar bear. He's not scary; he actually looks very nice. I think my favorite thing about him is his tiny helmet. Compare his facial expression with that of Gnash and you will notice that Louie appears to be a little more laid back and a little less intense. At the same time, if I were to run into Louie in real life, I would probably still be freaked out because he's still a creepy dude inside of a suit.

So, is anyone else as freaked out by mascots as I am? Does anyone know what the deal is with the Stinger, the Blue Jackets bug? Any requests for which division (or for a particular team) that I should feature next? Whatevs. Let me know.

I'm jumping on the JHo bandwagon and I don't care who knows

I have spent countless hours over the past few years yelling about how much I do not like Jimmy Howard. I have told anyone that would listen to me about how he is never going to make it in the NHL, how Kenny Holland is only going to use him as tradebait and how his rebounds are terrifying and it would be insane if he were to ever play more than 20 games a season in Detroit. I was still making these comments up through the beginning of November. I am now ready to say that I may have been wrong. I'm not going to fully concede and say he's the second coming of Sawchuk or anything but he is exceeding my expectations for sure.

Clicky click to make them bigger.

I can't argue with that. Are you kidding me!? He is not playing like the Jimmy Howard we've seen before. He is not playing like a goalie with, previous to this season, only 9 games of NHL experience. He's not the same kid I've been ridiculing for years and I couldn't be happier to be wrong. I mean, it's entirely possible, and very likely, that these numbers won't hold up forever but he is more than serving his purpose for this season.

Prior to the season starting, I think that if he could have come in and played 30 games and not been abysmal, that would have been sufficient. Ozzie could have handled the remaining games on the schedule, Wings would make the playoffs, same old, same old. But this is not a typical season. With the astronomically ridiculous amount of injuries, the Red Wings do not have the luxury of letting Ozzie have his weird winter mid-season slump. It's the first time in A LONG TIME that Detroit is having to fight for a playoff spot and not being handed the Central Division by default through a lack of competition.

The Western Conference standings as of 2:20 a.m. on January 4th, 2010. This will be interesting to look at again in the beginning of April.

As a long time Ozzie supporter, I can wholeheartedly say that Detroit needs to keep playing Howard. For one thing, I think it's important to play the hot goalie. Duh. But I also think that JHo is serving another purpose. It's recently been discussed in the media that there might be a goalie "controversy" brewing. I wouldn't quite say it's a controversy but I think Mike Babcock is not an idiot. (In fact, I believe that I most often refer to him as an evil genius who only uses his powers for good.) Regular season Osgood may or may not show up for a game. Pissed off, has something to prove, win at all costs, playoff Osgood? He always shows up.

There's no reason not to use Jimmy to push Ozzie. If Howard can put Ozzie in a position where he's battling and in constant playoff-mode, great. If he can win games and help make up ground in the West at the same time, awesome. The Red Wings need all the points they can get so when Jimmy gets a break and Ozzie plays a game, it's not just a normal game, even if they're playing someone completely meaningless, like the Carolina Hurricanes. All that's been expected out of Howard is for him to not lose games; Osgood is expected to win games. There's a very important difference. That's not to say that I think Ozzie is having a terrible season. I just think that he's going to need to be more of a difference maker, in a good way, in the games he plays.

So what happens come playoff time? I'm going to want more time to think about that and to possibly see Ozzie play another game before making any statements about that. Let's just say I'm not completely opposed to the idea of Jimmy Howard maybe possibly playing in a playoff situation.

I've come a long way from my JHo-hating ways of the past.