I had never really given a lot of thought to mascots until a few years ago. At that time, I met someone through a mutual friend and I immediately didn't like this kid. I could tell that he was just bad news. He was rude, disrespectful and I couldn't figure out why a 20-something guy was dating young girls. Like YOUNG girls. Like super jailbait, not old enough to drive girls. Then, I found out that this gentleman's profession was to dress up as two very well-known mascots here in town.
I was repulsed by this.
I personally find many things about this guy to be disgusting. To find out that he could be inside that costume, looking at little 12 year old girls and thinking about them sexually made me really think about the fact that you have no idea who is inside those costumes. This is such a creepy idea and I've thought about this so much over the past few years that it's now to the point that mascots really freak me out.
So when the Toledo Walleye announced that this past Sunday's game would be called Mascot Mania, I was apprehensive, as was Schmegan, who attends all the games with me. The plans were that 14 mascots from various sports teams, colleges and businesses around the Toledo area would have mascots at the game. (Yes, the skeevy guy I know was there but I'm not sure which mascot he was that day since he's been 6 of the 14 characters represented. I don't know which one he was assigned that day.) They would be walking around the concourse and messing with people during the first intermission. During the second intermission, they would play a game of dodgeball on the ice. Despite my fear, my curiosity got the best of me and we went to the game anyway.
Even though we knew that the mascots would be out in full force on the concourse during the first intermission, Schmegan and I both really wanted ice cream. We figured it would be safe to sneak upstairs since the ice cream concession stand is just at the top of our section. Well, no. When we came upstairs, we were right in between JJ Jaguar, the mascot for Owens Community College (I wasn't aware they had a mascot), and something called Mudevious, one of the Toledo Mud Hens billion mascots that they've invented. They were both terrifying. They were touching children. They were hitting people on the head and running away. They were causing havoc and I almost had a heart attack.
This reminded me of an instance a few years ago when I was at the NHL All Star Game in Atlanta and all the mascots were wandering around the stands during the Skills Competition. It was insane. That damn Calgary thing would NOT leave me alone. I did not like it and I thought I was going to have to pull a Mactavish to get it to go away. Luckily, it did not come to this.
It was soooooo tempting.
This reminded me of an instance a few years ago when I was at the NHL All Star Game in Atlanta and all the mascots were wandering around the stands during the Skills Competition. It was insane. That damn Calgary thing would NOT leave me alone. I did not like it and I thought I was going to have to pull a Mactavish to get it to go away. Luckily, it did not come to this.
It was soooooo tempting.
I still don't really understand what this thing is. A dog? A wolf? Does it matter? It's just annoying. And I realized that I'm uncomfortable with mascots running around because I'm not used to that happening at hockey games. I've spent my life going to Red Wings games and they don't have some fool running around in a costume. (I guess they did have Dukes the dog at Toledo Storm games but he never really bothered me because he was tough, awesome and aware of my personal space. It makes me really sad that I just spent 20 minutes searching for a picture of him and I can't find one anyone. Storm hockey is dead and I hate that.)
The point of all of this is that I wanted to take a look at all of the mascots of the NHL. When I was at the All Star Game, I couldn't tell who all of them were because some are really obscure and there's a large percentage of birds and bears. I think that some of the mascots are really random and, honestly, pointless. So over the next few weeks, I will be uncovering who some of these mascots are. Today, we will start with the Central Division...
The Chicago Blackhawks:
This is Tommyhawk. He's some kind of freaky bird thing. According to his profile on the Blackhawks website, he enjoys playing hockey, reading, dancing, spraying silly string, laying eggs, and getting the bird's eye view. His dislikes? Detroit. See, I don't him already. Actually, the real reason I don't like him is his shoes. He's a bird; why does he need shoes? Why do they have laces? Why couldn't he just have bird feet? If I'm supposed to accept that a giant bird is a big cheerleader for a hockey team, why wouldn't I accept that he isn't expected to wear shoes? I don't know. I'm thinking about it too hard.
The Columbus Blue Jackets:
I have a lot of issues with the Columbus Blue Jackets as a whole and Stinger, this giant green bug character, is a big part of that. See, I get the whole Civil War history thing that the Blue Jackets are trying to accomplish. How could I not? I was born in Columbus and have lived in Ohio for 23 of my 24 years on earth. On top of that, I have a degree in history (albeit not with a focus on the Civil War but I do have an above average knowledge of my own local history). But what's the deal with this bug? He's really only around because he was featured on the old Blue Jackets jerseys. But why? I can't figure out if he's supposed to represent something here in Ohio or if he's just a random insect. I can assure you that I have never seen anything like that running around here. What kind of bug is he? Because his name is Stinger, I assume he is some kind of hornet-type thing but if they wanted to pick something "local", they should have gone with a mosquito or a mayfly. Perhaps because mascots are terrifying, they should have just gone with the single most frightening Ohio bug ever: THE CICADA. I just don't understand it.
The Detroit Red Wings:
The Red Wings do not have an anthropomorphic, scary mascot running around the stands. I don't really think this counts as a "mascot" then but from googling "Detroit Red Wings mascot", apparently, everyone else considers Al the Octopus to be the mascot of the Red Wings. Okay, fine.
Now this is a mascot I can get on board with. This is Louie, the St. Louis Blues polar bear. He's not scary; he actually looks very nice. I think my favorite thing about him is his tiny helmet. Compare his facial expression with that of Gnash and you will notice that Louie appears to be a little more laid back and a little less intense. At the same time, if I were to run into Louie in real life, I would probably still be freaked out because he's still a creepy dude inside of a suit.
So, is anyone else as freaked out by mascots as I am? Does anyone know what the deal is with the Stinger, the Blue Jackets bug? Any requests for which division (or for a particular team) that I should feature next? Whatevs. Let me know.
The point of all of this is that I wanted to take a look at all of the mascots of the NHL. When I was at the All Star Game, I couldn't tell who all of them were because some are really obscure and there's a large percentage of birds and bears. I think that some of the mascots are really random and, honestly, pointless. So over the next few weeks, I will be uncovering who some of these mascots are. Today, we will start with the Central Division...
The Chicago Blackhawks:
This is Tommyhawk. He's some kind of freaky bird thing. According to his profile on the Blackhawks website, he enjoys playing hockey, reading, dancing, spraying silly string, laying eggs, and getting the bird's eye view. His dislikes? Detroit. See, I don't him already. Actually, the real reason I don't like him is his shoes. He's a bird; why does he need shoes? Why do they have laces? Why couldn't he just have bird feet? If I'm supposed to accept that a giant bird is a big cheerleader for a hockey team, why wouldn't I accept that he isn't expected to wear shoes? I don't know. I'm thinking about it too hard.
The Columbus Blue Jackets:
I have a lot of issues with the Columbus Blue Jackets as a whole and Stinger, this giant green bug character, is a big part of that. See, I get the whole Civil War history thing that the Blue Jackets are trying to accomplish. How could I not? I was born in Columbus and have lived in Ohio for 23 of my 24 years on earth. On top of that, I have a degree in history (albeit not with a focus on the Civil War but I do have an above average knowledge of my own local history). But what's the deal with this bug? He's really only around because he was featured on the old Blue Jackets jerseys. But why? I can't figure out if he's supposed to represent something here in Ohio or if he's just a random insect. I can assure you that I have never seen anything like that running around here. What kind of bug is he? Because his name is Stinger, I assume he is some kind of hornet-type thing but if they wanted to pick something "local", they should have gone with a mosquito or a mayfly. Perhaps because mascots are terrifying, they should have just gone with the single most frightening Ohio bug ever: THE CICADA. I just don't understand it.
The Detroit Red Wings:
The Red Wings do not have an anthropomorphic, scary mascot running around the stands. I don't really think this counts as a "mascot" then but from googling "Detroit Red Wings mascot", apparently, everyone else considers Al the Octopus to be the mascot of the Red Wings. Okay, fine.
He chills in the rafters with the banners all year long. Then, at the beginning of every playoff game, he explodes out of the jumbotron before going up to loom above the visiting goalie. I'm okay with this because at no point in time does he try to touch me and mess with me in any way.
I just love this picture. I really don't think it's necessary to explain where the Octopus thing comes from. Long story short: It was 1952. It only took 8 games to win the Stanley Cup, 4 wins in each round. Pete and Jerry Cusimano owned a fish market. They threw an octopus on the ice. Wings won the Cup. We still do it today.
I guess it's a mascot in the sense that it's a symbol of the team and the organization. I just generally consider mascots to be scary things that walk around and take pictures with children. That's all.
The Nashville Predators:
I guess it's a mascot in the sense that it's a symbol of the team and the organization. I just generally consider mascots to be scary things that walk around and take pictures with children. That's all.
The Nashville Predators:
Okay, here's a mascot that REALLY freaks me out. This is Gnash of the Nashville Predators. Isn't that some nifty word play? I think the reason I don't enjoy this character is his tight shirt combined with his facial expression. Really, this thing looks like it could kick my ass. It has bulging biceps and rock hard abs. Perhaps I'm just imagining the abs but seriously, this is some scary stuff. Also, the fact that he's wearing the jersey that has his picture on it makes me a little uncomfortable. It would be like me wearing a t shirt with my profile on it and that's just not cool.
The St. Louis Blues:
The St. Louis Blues:
Now this is a mascot I can get on board with. This is Louie, the St. Louis Blues polar bear. He's not scary; he actually looks very nice. I think my favorite thing about him is his tiny helmet. Compare his facial expression with that of Gnash and you will notice that Louie appears to be a little more laid back and a little less intense. At the same time, if I were to run into Louie in real life, I would probably still be freaked out because he's still a creepy dude inside of a suit.
So, is anyone else as freaked out by mascots as I am? Does anyone know what the deal is with the Stinger, the Blue Jackets bug? Any requests for which division (or for a particular team) that I should feature next? Whatevs. Let me know.
My thought about Tommyhawk is why is he wearing a hockey jersey, hockeypants, and shoes? Is that supposed to be some new fashion statement. I should wear my hockey gear out now?
ReplyDeleteAlso, how is laying eggs one of Tommyhawk's favorite activities? I didn't think that boy birds laid eggs.
ReplyDeleteMascots freak me the hell out too, as you already know.
So everyone's picking on Tommyhawk? I really thought that Gnash would draw more attention considering he's now haunting my dreams with that stance so full of attitude.
ReplyDeleteThe whole Tommyhawk laying eggs thing is something I hadn't really thought about. Good point. Can you imagine if there were little Tommyhawks running around? There would be little mascots with little children inside. Now that? Perhaps my greatest fear. Other than robots.