Monday, January 18, 2010

Mascot Mania: WTF? Part 2

Part 2 of the 6 part series
Check out Part 1: The Central Division

So I have tried to find the exact name for 'fear of mascots' but my search hasn't been too successful. My theory, and I say it about a million times a day, is that everything can be found on the internet. I can only think of one recent instance where the internet has failed me. (At work a few months ago, I bet a co-worker that I could find anything on the internet because I'm known as the person who can find a picture of any random thing. She asked me to find a picture of a random scene of an episode of Scrubs where Zach Braff and Mandy Moore are dating, then JD has a vision of them being old, then they rip off their old person masks. I searched all day and could not find it. I had failed, or the internet had failed me.) The point is that I did find a word for 'fear of mascots', that being masklophobia. I'm skeptical about this word though because a quick google search only showed up with 628 results. In contrast to that, 'fear of mascots' returns over a million results. I'm thinking that masklophobia is something someone made up once and it kinda spread. I suppose after today, there will be 629 results since I just keep writing about it.

Today, I had Jen randomly select which division I would be writing about. I named the divisions and she chose the Atlantic. Her reasoning is that she once flew over the Atlantic on her way to Europe. I suppose that is true. Excellent choice.

New Jersey Devils:


Now I believe, and SB please correct me if I'm wrong, that this is the New Jersey Devil standing in front of a PATH train. PATH trains are how one gets from NYC to Jersey. I have a hard time remembering from my time living in NYC last year because I do not believe that I've ever been sober on said PATH trains. You have to be drunk to enjoy New Jersey.

Now, on to the Devil itself. I actually like this mascot more than most others. Again, he's got the same problem as our good friend, Tommyhawk, who got all dressed up for hockey and then put on shoes. That just looks goofy. I do enjoy that he taped his socks though.

Question: Did he steal Brodeur's equipment? That bag clearly says 30 on it.

What is the New Jersey Devil though? It is a mythical creature that supposedly lives in southern NJ. According to wikipedia, it is a "flying biped with hooves". Ummmmmm, what? I apologize for the next picture because it is actually scarier than the mascot.


Ummmmm, again, what? In some strange way, I kinda wish this is what they had running around the Prudential Center. I could care less if it had a jersey on and anything affiliated with the team. I would want to see children's faces when having this come mess with them. I know, I'm going to hell. It's cool.

New York Islanders:


This is Sparky, the NY Islanders dragon. At first, I just didn't get it. Hockey. Dragons. Long Island. What's the connection? After further research, I learned that there is an arena football team called the New York Dragons that happens to be owned by Charles Wang. This is the same Charles Wang that owns the Isles. And we can now say a collective, "Ahhhhhhhh, I get it."

I give him credit that his shoes are, I think, supposed to look like skates. Apparently, his tail also looks like a hockey stick but I've seen no photographic evidence of that. Wait, does arena football even exist anymore? I thought it was going to be split into two leagues and then something happened and now it doesn't exist? I have no idea.

Sparky the Dragon is a new mascot for the Islanders, only existing since Charles Wang purchased the team obviously. Previous to that, it was something called Nyisles, which is an abomination of a name if you ask me. Also, an abomination of a mascot too.


I do not like him. He looks mean. He doesn't look like he would pump me up for an Islanders game in the 90s, while listening to Ace of Base (that would be a shout out to The Production Line) and wearing a scrunchie. He looks like he would murder me and put me in the trunk of his car. Also, does he have braces?

New York Rangers:

The New York Rangers are one of only four teams that do not have a mascot. In lieu of a mascot, I will simply provide this picture.


Ugh. And I remember when you were a Red Wing and I didn't hate you. I never said I liked you either. Just that I didn't hate you.

Philadelphia Flyers:

Philadelphia is another one of the few teams that lack a mascot. I guess they had one called "Slapshot" back in the late 70s. I have tried and tried to find pictures for the last few days but the internet, or late 70s Philadelphia hockey fans, have failed me. Again, lacking a real mascot, I shall have to choose one myself. This'll do:


Cool hair, bro. Nah, I'm just kidding.

Pittsburgh Penguins:


I guess it's fair to say that I like this mascot, Iceburgh, exponentially more than the actual team. He is one of a fairly large percentage of bird mascots and I don't really understand most of them, but a penguin, I can understand. He's all about cold weather and ice, unlike say, Brown Thrashers that fly south for the winter (but trust me, I'll rip on that once I get to the Southeast division).

Iceburgh is fairly new to the team though. In 1968, those marketing geniuses in Pittsburgh thought, "Hmmmm, we should get a real penguin and let him live in the arena. That sounds like a great idea. Nothing could go wrong here."


So the Pittsburgh Zoo loaned Penguin Pete to the team during the season. He came out on the ice during intermission and played. Sounds like a grand time. Yeah, well, Penguin Pete died a month into the season because the asshats on the ice crew kept his little area too warm. A penguin died of pneumonia. I don't know, that just strikes me as kinda hard to pull off. Think about it: They are a crew of people in charge of keeping ice frozen and at an even temperature. How hard would it be to create a cold area for a penguin? Also, this thing is used to living in effing Antarctica. If you were to go a little overboard on the ice factor, I'm pretty sure it would survive. The lesson here is that that when dealing with penguin climates, err on the side of caution, colder = better. And also, why did the zoo so willingly give away an animal to live at an ice rink with a bunch of people who, apparently, don't know how to take care of a penguin? But I suppose if anyone was going to find a way to screw that up, it would be a bunch of Pittsburgh people. So good job.

THEN, in 1971, someone else loaned the Pittsburgh Penguins ANOTHER PENGUIN! (I have not found anything that says if it was from the Pittsburgh Zoo again but where else does one apprehend a penguin in Pittsburgh? I would assume, from the zoo.) "Well, we know you killed that last one in less than 30 days so this time, try to be a little more careful." For real? Yeah, at least this penguin survived the 1971-72 season. After that, the Penguins decided to stop having a real penguin, more than likely because that seems like a lot of unnecessary work just for intermission entertainment when everyone is getting food and standing in line for the bathroom anyway. Just sayin.

In conclusion...
-Does anyone feel like they're going to see the non-mascot New Jersey devil haunting their dreams tonight?
-Does anyone know what's the deal with Nyisles' nose? It's like there's a softball in there, my God.
-Does anyone want to make fun of Avery in the comments? Because that's definitely welcome.
-Does anyone have any pictures and can locate any pictures of Slapshot, the Philadelphia Flyers short-lived mascot?
-Does anyone want to try to rationalize the Penguin Pete situation?

And just as a sidenote...




Found it. Oh hells yeah.


  1. I beleive that is actually a NJ transit train which is slightly different from the Path. Path is more like a subway and NJ transit is more like Amtrak and the LIRR. I had to take a NJ transit train to Newark and passed where the Devils play.

  2. Hey goalie, goalie.. Can't see the puck, can't see the puck, I'm an such an ass the NHL had to make a rule because of me

  3. Yes, I would like to make fun of Sean Avery. Trouble is I don't even know where to begin with that picture. It looks like a cross between creepy bedroom eyes/bad porno come on.

    The jersey devil (the other pic, not the mascot) has ALWAYS freaked me out!