The Kids Aren't Alright

Last night was probably the best Walleye game yet this season. I'm having trouble posting the video on here so just go here and watch it instead. They set a new record by scoring 5 goals in one period. Sebastien Piche scored his first professional goal. The Walleye were down 1-0 going into the 3rd and just absolutely tore it up for the last 20 minutes. There were 90 minutes of penalties in the 3rd period, for a game total of 100 minutes. Fights, misconducts, goals - there's really nothing else I could have asked for. So what made last night's game different from all the other games for me?

I felt really uncomfortable just searching for an image of some random baby. Probably because babies make me uncomfortable to begin with, hence, I'm complaining about them now.

We were sitting next to a goddamn baby. I have always said that I don't really like kids. I want to have some someday but right now, I don't really like other people's kids and the only ones that I will like are my own unborn children. You will note in the above picture, I am not at a hockey game. I am simply sitting on a brick wall wearing a cowboy hat outside of the Fort Worth Stockyards. It was 1985 so there was DEFINITELY not any hockey within several hundred miles of me. Here is a list of things that I am definitely not doing in the above picture:

1- I am not kicking anyone's beer: The baby from last night was too young to be in her own seat, therefore, she was sitting on her mom's lap. This baby continually put her foot inside SB's beer cup. The mom did apologize so she does get credit there but if you're going to apologize and show that you're aware of the situation, perhaps you should stop it from happening several more times, n'est-ce pas?

2- I am not asking others around me to help me hold on to my possessions: The baby from last night dropped its pacifier on the dirty, nasty, beer-stained floor within 2 minutes of sitting down. It not only fell on the ground but actually fell and bounced under the row in front of us. The Walleye then scored a goal (that was later disallowed) but we missed all of that during the Nook-Gate scandal that was brewing in section 119. No less than 8 people were concerned in the matter of returning the pacifier to this child.

3- I am not dropping my pacifier on the dirty ground and then putting it back in my mouth to gross out everyone within a 10 foot radius: Now, I was absorbed into the game so I saw that the pacifier fell but then I was right back to the on-ice action. A few minutes later, during a commercial time out, I notice that the baby has the damn thing back in its mouth. Really? Am I crazy in thinking that's totally disgusting? These things do exist, ya know.

4- I am not crushing up cheese crackers and leaving them EVERY-EFFING-WHERE: SB and I went to get beer during the first intermission. When we came back to our seats, Schmegan warned us to look out for cheese crackers. This was an understatement. Seriously, this kid went cheese cracker crazy. The mom had allowed it to stand and eat cheese crackers in front of my and SB's seats while we were gone. The child clearly did not understand that it was supposed to consume the crackers and not throw them on the ground and step on them until creating an orange layer of dust on the floor. Or perhaps the baby was a genius and was trying to protect her pacifier from hitting the dirty ground the next time she dropped it out of the mouth and threw it on the ground. Either way, it was crunchy the rest of the game and the bottom of my purse is still a little bit orange. Just sayin.

5- I am not preventing anyone from yelling: I was afraid to yell because I didn't want to frighten the baby. See, I'm not all terrible and callous. I was trying to be very accomodating and I didn't even make any smartass remarks. But the third period was insane but I didn't want to cheer too loudly or yell at Jean-Francois David for having a stupid name for fear that the baby would be startled and start crying, which brings me to my next point...

Last night's baby did have one thing going for it: it did not cry. Or rather, I drank enough beer to not notice if the baby cried. Just the whole thing made us feel very awkward and uncomfortable and I hate that. So maybe this whole rant isn't about the baby. Maybe it's about parents who make others uncomfortable with their children. If you want to bring your kid to a game, then just be aware of others around you. Perhaps don't put the lady with the baby on the end of your group of people so that others who don't know you and don't care about your baby have to put up with their needs. Just a suggestion.

Tonight's game is against the Elmira Jackals again so I'm expecting it to be a good one. Also, it's a Sunday night game so there will definitely be less people and, therefore, less of a chance of me sitting by a baby. Right now I'm off to the Anthony Wayne vs. Central Catholic game at the Ice House and then downtown for the Walleye game. Ugh, I'm probably going to hell for bitching about babies. I just needed to vent. Yes, I made an Offspring reference earlier and I'm greatly amused by this.

I'm justifying this whole thing with the fact that writing this and thinking about this was Schmegan's idea and she's a pre-school teacher. If she is losing patience with a child, you know there's something wrong with the situation. So am I a complete jerkface?