Holiday Hiatus

I thought I should officially announce my holiday hiatus and find a way to incorporate a picture of a puppy. So there, I'm officially taking a break. Also, here's a puppy.

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

This is going to be quite rushed since I'm at work and I'm technically supposed to be doing stuff, like work. Here's the thing though: the office Christmas party is tonight. There's lots of food and cookies and treats all around. No one is focused. All of the people in charge are out to a long lunch. So why am I being asked to focus and be productive? I'm not quite sure but I know I'm failing at it. Since tonight is the Christmas Movie Marathon with my lovelies, I will not be near a computer until sometime tomorrow so this HBOTW needed to be written NOW.

Sometime last week, I was perusing ECHL rosters and I honestly can't even remember why. I think I was trying to look something up about the Elmira Jackals. Regardless, I came across a goalie named Jordan Parise. Yes, Zach Parise's brother. I assumed younger brother since Zach is in the NHL and Jordan is, well, not. I thought to myself, "Both of these brothers are kinda adorable," so they have been selected as this week's HBOTW! I present to you Zach and Jordan Parise!

So Zach is on the left and he's pretty adorable. He plays for the New Jersey Devils. He plays left wing. Born in 1984. Oh, very importantly, before SB has to go look it up, they are Americans. From Minnesota, in fact. So Jordan is on the right. He is currently playing for the Wheeling Nailers in the ECHL (one of my LEAST favorite ECHL teams. Who am I kidding? I don't like any of them other than the Walleye). He's a goalie. Born in 1982. Again, American-born.

European jerseys are so silly looking.

I suppose because I found this picture on some European website and I could not read the language (it wasn't French or basic Italian so I was lost), I can't be 100% sure if this is even a picture of Jordan Parise. But isn't it a nice picture? I like the angle and the lights.

I love this picture.

I think there's something fitting about the fact that he plays for NJ. You see, sometimes when I see his hair, I'm reminded of something like this. Seriously, check this out because it cracked me up. Zach is a little bit pale for the whole Jersey Shore look but that's why God invented tanning beds, right?

Ummm, so next Thursday is Christmas Eve and I won't be around a computer at all. I'll be driving to Dayton for dinner with some of the fam so I suppose HBOTW is officially on holiday break... unless I get inspired and come up with some great idea but what are the chances of that, right? Any ideas? Suggestions?

The Kids Aren't Alright

Last night was probably the best Walleye game yet this season. I'm having trouble posting the video on here so just go here and watch it instead. They set a new record by scoring 5 goals in one period. Sebastien Piche scored his first professional goal. The Walleye were down 1-0 going into the 3rd and just absolutely tore it up for the last 20 minutes. There were 90 minutes of penalties in the 3rd period, for a game total of 100 minutes. Fights, misconducts, goals - there's really nothing else I could have asked for. So what made last night's game different from all the other games for me?

I felt really uncomfortable just searching for an image of some random baby. Probably because babies make me uncomfortable to begin with, hence, I'm complaining about them now.

We were sitting next to a goddamn baby. I have always said that I don't really like kids. I want to have some someday but right now, I don't really like other people's kids and the only ones that I will like are my own unborn children. You will note in the above picture, I am not at a hockey game. I am simply sitting on a brick wall wearing a cowboy hat outside of the Fort Worth Stockyards. It was 1985 so there was DEFINITELY not any hockey within several hundred miles of me. Here is a list of things that I am definitely not doing in the above picture:

1- I am not kicking anyone's beer: The baby from last night was too young to be in her own seat, therefore, she was sitting on her mom's lap. This baby continually put her foot inside SB's beer cup. The mom did apologize so she does get credit there but if you're going to apologize and show that you're aware of the situation, perhaps you should stop it from happening several more times, n'est-ce pas?

2- I am not asking others around me to help me hold on to my possessions: The baby from last night dropped its pacifier on the dirty, nasty, beer-stained floor within 2 minutes of sitting down. It not only fell on the ground but actually fell and bounced under the row in front of us. The Walleye then scored a goal (that was later disallowed) but we missed all of that during the Nook-Gate scandal that was brewing in section 119. No less than 8 people were concerned in the matter of returning the pacifier to this child.

3- I am not dropping my pacifier on the dirty ground and then putting it back in my mouth to gross out everyone within a 10 foot radius: Now, I was absorbed into the game so I saw that the pacifier fell but then I was right back to the on-ice action. A few minutes later, during a commercial time out, I notice that the baby has the damn thing back in its mouth. Really? Am I crazy in thinking that's totally disgusting? These things do exist, ya know.

4- I am not crushing up cheese crackers and leaving them EVERY-EFFING-WHERE: SB and I went to get beer during the first intermission. When we came back to our seats, Schmegan warned us to look out for cheese crackers. This was an understatement. Seriously, this kid went cheese cracker crazy. The mom had allowed it to stand and eat cheese crackers in front of my and SB's seats while we were gone. The child clearly did not understand that it was supposed to consume the crackers and not throw them on the ground and step on them until creating an orange layer of dust on the floor. Or perhaps the baby was a genius and was trying to protect her pacifier from hitting the dirty ground the next time she dropped it out of the mouth and threw it on the ground. Either way, it was crunchy the rest of the game and the bottom of my purse is still a little bit orange. Just sayin.

5- I am not preventing anyone from yelling: I was afraid to yell because I didn't want to frighten the baby. See, I'm not all terrible and callous. I was trying to be very accomodating and I didn't even make any smartass remarks. But the third period was insane but I didn't want to cheer too loudly or yell at Jean-Francois David for having a stupid name for fear that the baby would be startled and start crying, which brings me to my next point...

Last night's baby did have one thing going for it: it did not cry. Or rather, I drank enough beer to not notice if the baby cried. Just the whole thing made us feel very awkward and uncomfortable and I hate that. So maybe this whole rant isn't about the baby. Maybe it's about parents who make others uncomfortable with their children. If you want to bring your kid to a game, then just be aware of others around you. Perhaps don't put the lady with the baby on the end of your group of people so that others who don't know you and don't care about your baby have to put up with their needs. Just a suggestion.

Tonight's game is against the Elmira Jackals again so I'm expecting it to be a good one. Also, it's a Sunday night game so there will definitely be less people and, therefore, less of a chance of me sitting by a baby. Right now I'm off to the Anthony Wayne vs. Central Catholic game at the Ice House and then downtown for the Walleye game. Ugh, I'm probably going to hell for bitching about babies. I just needed to vent. Yes, I made an Offspring reference earlier and I'm greatly amused by this.

I'm justifying this whole thing with the fact that writing this and thinking about this was Schmegan's idea and she's a pre-school teacher. If she is losing patience with a child, you know there's something wrong with the situation. So am I a complete jerkface?

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

Here's the scene: It was 6 p.m. I was just home from work and still couldn't think of anyone for HBOTW today. I asked my mom, who has never seen this site mind you, to name a hot hockey player. Her first answer? "Well, Hank. Duh." I told her I'd already done that. I also told her that I try not to be too Red Wings-centric, as hard as that is sometimes. Her second answer? "Vinny Lecavalier. Tampa Bay Lightning." WHAT? Where did that come from, mama? I just laughed and told her that maybe she should name a top 3 of hockey players and I would figure it out. Before she could do this, I yelled, "LUKE SCHENN! NEVERMIND!" and walked upstairs. Inspiration struck. He's having a good week. There's a Leafs game tonight and I'm wearing a Leafs tshirt right now (granted, it's a Kessel and not a Schenn but still). It just seems appropriate. I give you, Luke Schenn.

Perhaps you're not convinced. Maybe this will help.

Yeah, that's what I thought. And actually, I think I've pinpointed exactly what I like about him too. See, recently I've become very aware of what types of guys I'm attracted too, most likely because I write about hot boys once or twice a week. Luke Schenn does not fit this profile at all. He is neither scruffy nor does he have a fauxhawk. (Seriously, what is wrong with me?) The thing that he has going for him is his similarity to my teenage crush, Eric von Detten. Come on, you know you watched Brink and you enjoyed it too because it was a quality Disney original movie.

Seriously, so adorable. And Brink is a good movie. Shut up.

So he definitely started off the season slowly but recently, I've been much happier with him. I also enjoy when he does things like this.

He looks disheveled and I like that.



He looks nervous and I don't like that. But he does look good in blue.



He looks most comfortable when being interviewed. I need to find a way and reason to interview him.



So now, with all of the information, take another look at this. Feeling a little bit different about him yet?

It's like he's staring into your soul. Heh.

For more Luke Schenn loveliness, check out Wrap Around Curl. Actually, you should probably just check it out anyways because it's high quality over there.

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

This week has been a blur with work and everything. Literally, I didn't even pay attention to hockey this past week. That's how you know I've been stressed and busy because that never happens. Okay, I didn't totally ignore hockey. I only watched maybe 5 games this week and I only attended 1 though. That's a really low number for this point in the season so it's been a light week for me and I feel a little lost because of it.

Because of this, I've had a hell of a time thinking of who should be HBOTW. I've had several ideas of the past few days but tonight, inspiration struck. Brendan Shanahan!

He looks so happy! And he has awesome freaking teeth, just like Brock Wilson.

When I first starting watching hockey, my first favorite player was Brendan Shanahan. I had a Shanny poster above my bed when I was younger. (I believe that poster is in my basement right now. Yep, I still have it. It's a little faded and a little torn up. It's been with me in my old house, my new house, my college dorm, everywhere.)

It makes me really happy that you can still buy this online. And it makes me realize that my poster is basically 13 years old. And it really weirds me out that I'm old enough to have things that I clearly remember buying that are 13 years old. That was more than half my life ago. I have owned my Brendan Shanahan poster for more than half of the time that I've been alive. Whoa.

I don't know why I immediately loved him, aside from the rugged good looks and hilarious interviews. Heh.

I was reminded of this interview by my good friend Kyle Rossi who has his own blog. Read it.

I just love this guy. I don't have a lot to say about that. I just do.

Awwwww, just a young Canadian boy.


Scoring goals, being awesome...


Winning Cups...

Dressing up, looking hot...


::drool::

Shanny announced his retirement a few weeks ago and I might have cried a little. I still held out hope that he would find somewhere to play for this season since he left New Jersey in such a strange way at the beginning of the season. So, I wasn't surprised whatsoever when it was announced a few days ago that Shanny will be the VP of Hockey and Development for the NHL and I'm very happy for him. Maybe it means we'll see more of him walking around in suits. Yum.

You didn't think I would pass up a chance to show a picture of a Whalers jersey, did you?


I will also take any opportunity to show this too. The leap at 1:46 always makes me happy.

Sooooooooo I am completely open to suggestions for the upcoming week's HBOTW. I have a habit of only searching my memory for hot guys that have played for teams that I enjoy watching. Therefore, I never really think about people that play for the Ducks or the Habs or the Southeast division... so yes, requests. They don't even have to be Canadian :)

At the risk of sounding like a workaholic...

HBOTW is postponed until the weekend or at least until I finish up this work project thing. My deadline is 5 p.m. pacific time on December 3rd. I'm in the middle of a 13 hour work day right now. Writing anything is simply not going to happen yet.

In the meantime, enjoy this picture. I know I do because it combines two of my favorite things: Pandas and Shaq. There's nothing better.

What I'm Thankful For...

So I started writing this on Thanksgiving but life kinda got in the way and I'm just now finishing it. Pretend Thanksgiving hasn't happened yet. Or pretend that you're just late reading this and that I actually put it up days ago. There, that works.

So what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving is... consistently inconsistent reffing. Yep, I love that NHL refs sometimes blow calls so ridiculously that you can't help but wonder what the hell they were thinking.

I don't love it because it makes the league look like a joke sometimes. I don't love it because I've spent thousands of dollars supporting the league through tickets and jerseys and playoff tickets and tshirts and my late night shop.nhl.com addiction only to have it thrown back in my face at important moments. I love it because it's something unifying for all hockey fans. I love it because it's not perfect. I love it because it actually is exactly what disproves the tin-foil hat conspiracy theorists because it happens to EVERY SINGLE TEAM. (And I'm a Wings fan and I can say that. There's no conspiracy. We've just been spoiled for years and years and years.) (Actually, that gives me an idea... something for later... hold that thought until next week...)

There are few words that make my hairs stand on end like the words 'intent to blow'. Wow, that sounded dirtier than I meant it. But seriously, every time I hear that phrase, I know that something is about to go horribly wrong. While I think some aspects of it are ridiculous (like the fact that it's become more of a ref CYA than anything), I also don't agree that a bunch of calls need to become reviewable. There are certain things that, yeah, it doesn't seem like it would be that much trouble to have it be reviewable in the war room. At the same time, the more things become reviewable, the more the on-ice officials become obsolete and since robots are my greatest fear, we certainly do not want to make on-ice officials obsolete. And by we, I mean me.

Holy shit, tell me that's not terrifying.

Do I realistically think that could happen? Well, no. My point is that there is always going to be some human error in the game and I'm okay with that. I used to get very frustrated and angry but it's pretty pointless. I'm a big believer that it's good for the soul for people to emotionally invest themselves in something where they have absolutely no control over the outcome. That is being a sports fan. That is being a hockey fan. If you knew that every penalty would be called and every single moment in every game would be run exactly to the letter of the NHL rulebook, would you watch? Would it be interesting? Would there be goons and enforcers? Would there be role players at all or would everything become very homogenized? I guess I'm just trying to defend the referees just a little bit before these videos make them look completely stupid.

So I thought about bad reffing and, obviously, there are tons of examples but these are just the first ones that came to mind and that I could easily find on the youtube.

Ahhhh, the old 'intent to blow' nonsense. Goalie has on black pants. The puck is black. The ref can't possibly be expected to tell the difference between them, right?

I don't know why I remember this as clearly as I do because I really don't care about the Oilers or the Stars. Regardless, it just reminds me how much I hate Fatty McGeough.

Okay, this one is a two parter and it just happened so it was obviously fresh in my memory. This first video shows Ian White scoring with 29 seconds left in the game and the reason that's great is because he had been unjustly penalized with a double minor a few minutes beforehand on a call that shouldn't have been anything. After White's goal, the vid explains.

So everything is great, right? No. The Canes score with like 2 seconds to go in the game and it's really lame so it goes to OT. The Leafs have already been screwed so what are the chances of it happening again? Ugh, intent to blow...

PS- The fact that the Leafs ended up losing this game and that the Canes are the worst team in the NHL makes this all sting just a little bit more.

And just the night before that one, this happened. I don't even have an explanation for this and it's one of the rare times that the NHL has later come forward and said it's maybe kinda sorta just a little bit possible that the call they made wasn't the correct one. Maybe. Possibly.

You can't make a list of badly missed calls without including this one.

So I purposely didn't include anything that was a hooking/holding/slashing type call because those are more debatable and there is a lot more room for judgment calls in that case. I wouldn't necessary call it a ref blunder to just pick out a random instance or video and play it out of context and say, "See there! He missed that!" Within the context of any given game, there are different rules. Sometimes you watch a game and it looks like it's from 1996 with all the clutching and grabbing. I mean, there's basically a different rulebook used during the playoffs versus what gets called in November. But this? Anytime of year. Any year. The weakest call ever. And I was there. I saw it in person. I'm still sore about this. WEAKEST. CALL. FOR. A. PENALTY. SHOT. EVER.

Really? Nick Lidstrom? REALLY? Dude, it's Nick. It's 30 seconds to go in the last regular season game. How shitty. Just... gross. Terrible. Any time Ken Daniels or Mickey Redmond says, "Well, you decide," it means it was a shitty call. Always. I think this call is the reason why I hate Dustin Byfuglien so much actually.

Clearly there are tons more you can think of so post 'em in the comments because I want to watch them too. And am I crazy for being so zen about terrible reffing? Should I be more upset?

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

Thanksgiving edition! To be honest, I'm not a big Thanksgiving fan. I'm not huge fan of Thanksgiving food (Turkey is sooooooo dry) and I have a degree in history (so pilgrims? Not the coolest people in the bunch, plus I have an huge interest in European Colonialism so there's some touchy subjects here). Regardless, it's Thanksgiving eve which is like the biggest drinking holiday of the year for people my age. After a bottle of Jameson and without further ado, I bring you some pictures...

Me and my bff Bobo the Fauxbo. Yep, I'm licking the bottle, not wearing make up and wearing an Ovie shirt. That's how you know I'm beyond wasted. Oh, and the hat. The hat is a dead giveaway.

Yep, I'm that drunk but I live to serve and therefore, you get this picture with heavily pictured blog posting. (Edit: In retrospect, I don't know what the phrase 'heavily pictured blog posting' was supposed to mean.)

Sebastien Piche has spent the majority of his life in the QMJHL but was recently called to the AHL and signed by the Detroit Red Wings. He was called down to the Toledo Walleye for two games were I got to witness his hottness in person.

Look, a picture of Piche in the crazy hat.


See? Adorable. Even though he's French-Canadian.

I already bought tickets for this Sunday's Walleye game where Piche will not be present. He's been called back up to the Griffins already and I know it's selfish but it makes me sad. So this Sunday, I will have to watch out for the other resident Toledo Walleye hottie: Brock Wilson.

So I suppose the vote is on whether you prefer Brock Wilson with long hair or short hair? I think I'm very happy with the long hair.

And this is absolutely adorable, or as I said on Sunday night, Brock Wilson showing a little child how to skate at the post-game Sunday night skate is "swoonworthy"...


Ohhhhh, what I would've given to be a 4 year old boy who couldn't skate well.

So I'm somewhat distraught because this week I've been very complementary of guys who have fauxhawks. I've defended both Sebestien Piche AND Mike Green. Seriously, I defended Mike Green and his hairstyle choice. Apparently, after some beer, I am able to admit that I have an unnatural attraction to dark haired fauxhawks. I don't know what that's all about. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Seriously, pick my jaw off the ground drooling right now. Why I do love you so much? Mike Green, why do I find you so damn attractive? GAHHHHHHHHH.

After your tweeting the other day, I don't know how to defend you, Mike Green. JUST PLAY BETTER. (If you caught the Stevie Wonder reference, 2 points for you.) But seriously, why do I love hockey players with fauxhawks this week? I have no idea.

Piche, I wish I could be selfish enough to want to with you to play with the Walleye but you're too talented and you proved that last weekend and I wish you all the best and I bet that one day you'll be in the NHL. For reals.

So yeah, I'm hoping you're not expecting much because it's Thanksgiving so I'm drunk and distracted with tasty food. So here's this:

So yeah, my brain can't handle anything else. The Red Wings lost. The Maple Leafs won. I'm all sorts of confused so let's just leave it at that.

Things to comment on:

Brock Wilson: long hair, short hair, or am I just crazy?
Sebastien Piche: hottie or am I crazy?
Mike Green: Leslie, what the fuck is wrong with you or totally hot and I understand?

Thanks and happy holidays!

Histoire de Hockey: The Hat Trick

Part of introducing new people to hockey is answering questions about things that I've always just accepted. Guy scores three goals, you throw your hat on the ice. End of story. I've never really thought about why that is or how that started or where it came from until recently when I was asked about it. I realized that since I really love doing research, I should probably share my findings on things like this so this is now officially the first installment of Histoire de Hockey.

So first of all, what is a hat trick? Easy, when a player scores 3 goals in one game. When this happens, fans throw their hats on to the ice and everyone cheers. Awesome.

The actual phrase "hat trick" came from cricket in the 1800s. Apparently it's really, really rare to do this and a really big deal if someone does. I know NOTHING about cricket so I have no idea what all these cricket terms mean so I'm not even going to fake it like I know what I'm talking about here.

There are a lot different versions of why it was called a hat trick and there isn't really definitive evidence of any of them so these are the two most popular ones that I found:

- When the cricket player acheived a hat trick, he would pass around his hat and others would give him money. Sounds like a great plan to me.
- The club that owned the team would give the player a hat as a reward for his outstanding performance. Free stuff is always cool.

There are three stories that come up again and again and take some credit for popularizing the hat trick in hockey. The first of these originates in Toronto. In 1946, Alex Kaleta, a player for the Blackhawks, went shopping and wanted to buy a hat but did not have enough money. The hat store owner made a deal with Kaleta that if he scored three goals that night, he could have the hat for free. On January 26, 1946, Alex Kaleta scored four goals against the Toronto Maple Leafs and the next morning, he collected his free hat.

Garnet Exelby loves his hats. Almost too much. Almost.

A competing story states that the 1950s, the Guelph Biltmore Mad Hatters, a farm team of the New York Rangers, started giving out hats to players who scored three goals in a game. The team was owned by Biltmore Hats, a famous hat company, so it would make sense to give those out.

A third popular story says that the tradition originated in Montreal in the 1950s, from the Henri Henri hat store. The store would give out free hats to players after they scored three or more goal at the Montreal Forum.

The modern practice of fans throwing hats on the ice started in the 1970s, just as the trend of hat stores giving out free hats to players was dying out. It's one tradition that extends to all levels of hockey in North America, from the NHL down to parents buying hats for their mini-mite kids.

There are multiple Ovechkin hat tricks I could've chosen but I specifically picked this one. I wonder why.

The next logical questions is "What happens to all the hats?" and for that, I leave you with this. Go here and read this real quick and then you'll know.

Bonus: I can watch youtube videos of Ovechkin for hours and hours but this is always one of my favorites. Seriously, I love him like whoa.

At the risk of sounding like a girl...

This is not a normal HBOTW and it's not because I'm writing this on Wednesday night and I'm actually going to be prepared to have this up on Thursday. It's not normal because I'm upset. About hockey. About refs. About the NHL.

On Saturday, Schmeg came over and watched hockey with me. She discovered the wonder that is Jonathan Ericsson and requested that I feature him this week. I agreed to this because I too love me some Big Rig. Then, I watched the Dallas game tonight and I was just underwhelmed. Just blah about him. I realized that I've been feeling that way a lot this season. There's been so many times that I've just thought, 'Wow, he's having a rough night' or 'Wow, he's so unlucky sometimes.' So I decided to write a letter to Mr. Ericsson...

Dear Pookie,

I want to start off by saying that I'm a big fan of yours and I have been since your days in Grand Rapids. I was so happy when you got the chance to play in Detroit and I think that you're going to have many successful years here.

That being said, I want you to play better right now. I understand that you're going to make rookie mistakes because you're a young guy. You're a big guy who is still learning how to use your size in the NHL and that's cool. And I completely understand that you are having to play with Brett Lebda and that has to be difficult. (I will not get sidetracked into a rant, I will not get sidetracked...)

STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK! You're cute but you're not completely off the hook here. I need you to step up and be physical! I want you to be effectively blocking shots on the penalty kill! I want you to take more shots from the point because you're a strong guy with a powerful shot! Use it! You can be an energy guy! You have so much potential and you have one of the greatest defensemen OF ALL TIME to learn from on the ice and in the dressing room SO YOU BETTER BE LISTENING AND PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL TIMES! I WANT YOU TO BE A SPONGE FOR KNOWLEDGE UNTIL THE DAY LIDSTROM HANGS UP HIS SKATES AND THAT ISN'T TOO FAR AWAY SO OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS BECAUSE ONE DAY SOON YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THAT TOP PAIRING AND ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE GOING TO BE GONE AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE A LEADER AND I JUST WANT YOU TO BE READY FOR THAT DAY, JONATHAN! ARE YOU GOING TO BE READY? JESUS, JONATHAN...

Look baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I just... I'm really sorry. Ozzie, I got it from here. OZZIE! It's cool, it's cool. I can be cool, I promise. I just yell because... I just get so frustrated sometimes, baby, and I love you so much. Come on... Smile for me. Just a little one; you know I love you!

Alright, there we go. There's that smile! We're good? We're okay? Okay, we're good. Okay baby, I'll see you on Friday night.

XOXO,
MGdB

A Top 9 List, How Original

Holy shit, an entry that I put a lot of thought into? Weird, I know.

Over on Puck Daddy, Greg Wyshynski has a feature that runs occasionally where he invites some blogger, celebrity, etc. to give their top 5 reasons why they love hockey. I'm not a celebrity and I'm certainly not well enough known to ever be invited to partake in this but I would like to make my own list. So here, I would like to explain the top 9 reasons why I love hockey. Why 9? I could try to be really creative and say it's 9 to commemorate Johnny Bucyk's belated half-birthday (which was last Thursday, I suppose) but I'll just admit that it's 2 a.m. and I'm out of answers.


9) Fighting: Yep, it's number 9. That means that this list is going to get even better than pugilistic truculence! I had this discussion over the weekend with a friend. I really have no desire to watch boxing or anything of the sort. (As I write this, I'm watching wrestling but I'm also drinking so that makes it okay.) Yet, when a fight breaks out in the middle of a hockey game, I find it horribly entertaining, as does everyone else. There are two things that bring an entire stadium to their feet: goals and fights. People cheer for fights just as loud, if not louder, than they cheer for goals.

I love that there's still a place in hockey for a fight. While I am all about the Europeanization (yep, it's a word now because I said it) of the league with faster skating and more finesse players, I don't ever think that fighting should not be a part of the game. (Hence, I love the Wings and the truculent Leafs. Duh.) There is nothing better than two guys throwing their gloves down and settling their differences with some haymakers. For example:

8) Alexander Ovechkin: I love him. I think he is the most gifted goal scorer in a very long time and, with the right marketing and placement, could be the new Wayne Gretzky in terms of a relationship with the non-hockey world. Because that's who non-hockey fans think of still when you ask them to name one hockey player. And he hasn't played in 10 years. Doesn't anyone else think that's an issue? Just me? Oh, okay.

No matter how much the NHL wants everyone to accept Sidney Crosby as the "face of the NHL", it's just not happening. He's not personable, he's not charismatic, he's not the kind of person that grabs attention. But Gretzky wasn't that kind of person either and surely most wouldn't describe him as charismatic, right? The 80s were a different time. Pre-youtube, pre-internet, pre-instant gratification for ADD. Something has to grab your attention because if people don't find something interesting, they can and will just find something else to entertain themselves.

This is why, even though some people get so upset with Ovie's over the top celebrations, it is exactly what is needed in order to expand the NHL. People want action and emotion and entertainment and he provides that. As I will later talk about, it's all about keeping hockey accessible. The things that a player like Crosby does, or even Datsyuk and Malkin and Zetterberg and a host of other top names, is something that is almost too far under the radar for the novice hockey fan, for the casual fan, for the person flipping by on the remote who accidentally passes by Versus to appreciate. The casual fan or the "Sportscenter" fan can appreciate Ovechkin, his moves, his goals and his celebrations with absolutely no knowledge of hockey. He sells it better than anyone else has in a long time and I truly believe that Ovie is the way to market the NHL. (Dear NHL marketing department, Please give me a job. Thanks. Sincerely, MGdB)

It took me 20 minutes to narrow down the pictures of Ovechkin celebrations and only select one. Seriously. Google Image Search "Ovechkin celebration". I'll see you in at least 20 minutes.

7) Family: Hockey is family event for me. Some of my favorite memories from the past few years with my fam has been driving up to Joe Louis Arena, having dinner in the Olympia Club, going to playoff games and debating about what went right and what went wrong the whole way home while listening to 97.1 until it gets too static-y when we cross the state line out of Michigan. We even sit down at dinner and talk about what happened in the hockey world that day, comparing rumors we heard, who signed with what team and what teams are playing that night. Hockey is a serious family affair in my house.

6) Minor league teams: As I've explained before, I think that minor league hockey is amazing. It doesn't suffer from the corporate clientele like the NHL does. It's always easy to get tickets and tickets aren't expensive at all. Minor league games are fun because the players aren't superstars; they're all just regular guys trying to make it. A lot of minor league teams have a rabid fan following that almost resembles the atmosphere of collegiate hockey where there are chants and traditions. I highly suggest going to a minor league game. You'll have fun. I promise.

5) Accessibility: I love that I can take anyone to a hockey game and they'll have a good time. Whether it's their first game or their thousandth, there is always something new and enjoyable. There is the novice hockey fan who really enjoys the fights, always waiting for a big check or a scrum to break out in the crease. The intermediate (for lack of a better word) fan will notice a good save or a nice goal. The experienced hockey fan will point out a good penalty kill, blocked shot or set up pass. No matter what, there is always something more to learn about the game and always something more to enjoy. I love taking people to their first game because I can't think of one person who I have introduced to the sport who hasn't become at least the slightest bit of a fan. I can't think of anyone who was like, "No, I don't think hockey is for me."

4) The Fans and Community: Perhaps I'm just unaware of other communities because I'm not a part of them but seriously, hockey fans are the best. I look forward to going to work and sitting on Twitter just to read what all the hockey people are talking about. I love the heated debates on LetsGoWings and I love the game day discussions on Pension Plan Puppets. I wake up every morning and read the morning links on Puck Daddy. I have talked to great people all over the world as a result of hockey. I love that the majority of hockey fans can have intelligent discussion and be so passionate about their team, their players, their organization (pronounced organ-eye-zation) while still being respectful of the other's viewpoint. There is a certain respect among most hockey fans because we've all experienced wins and losses, highs and lows, playoff success and terrible failures. And we all endure under the reign of Gary Bettman so there's that unifying factor.

3) Playoff Beards: While I am not a fan of the Islanders, we can thank them for one thing- the playoff beard tradition. Let's just state the obvious that I think that it is a favorable attribute if a man plays hockey. (That's quite an understatement, by the way.) So take these already attractive men and send them off on a two month journey that takes strength, courage, dedication and heart that ends with handshakes and tears of joy and of pain. That's just sexy right there. Now, let's put beards on them and make 'em look really manly and scruffy and testosterontastic. (I'm just inventing words all over the place!) It's a wonder women all over North America aren't being arrested left and right for jumping players' bones during the playoffs.

I miss the Shanny beard.

2) The Playoffs: April, May and June are my favorite months of the year. The hockey post-season is incredibly intense and exhausting for me and I'm not even playing. I literally spend every day thinking about the next games that are going on. I have a betting pool with some friends and family that involves picking winners and the number of games for the series and there's a complicated point system that I have perfected over the last 10 years. I have to print up a calendar for myself just to keep track of what teams are playing each night, at what time and on what channel. I watch every game. Every single game. Because I don't want to miss a moment because it's all history in the making. It's quite incredible and it really is the greatest time of year.

The Stanley Cup is the hardest trophy to win in all of pro sports and I say that with no hesitation. The score in a hockey game can change so quickly. One shot, one goal, one save can change the momentum and the outcome of an entire series. That means that every single moment in every game in every round matters. There are no meaningless wins when it's do or die in a best of 7. For the fans, that gives us two and half months of nail-biting, anxiety-inducing, stressful games and there's only one thing that can top that...

1) The Stanley Cup: There is just something about this shiny hunk of metal that just makes me absolutely in awe in it's presence. I have a poster on my bedroom door (because I'm still 12 years old apparently) of the Stanley Cup. The first time I saw it in person, I almost cried thinking of all the people that have touched it and held it, all the people who have lifted it in victory, all the people who dreamed of lifting it and fell short and all the people who will one day lift it. It's more than just a sports trophy; it's a piece of history.

What's the deal with Canadians?

I have actually been obsessed with Canada since I was very young. I'm not quite sure why but growing up about an hour from the border, it was a mysterious place. It's far enough away that I didn't go there on a regular basis but close enough that I never forgot it was there. It is a place where people love hockey and I think that is 80% of the appeal for me. I don't have a lot of friends that are really into hockey and most find my preoccupation with the sport to be strange. (Sometimes when my friends ask me how I'm doing and what's new, I end up telling them about the Red Wings 9-1 victory or how Phil Kessel scored 2 goals last night. I don't think this is an absurd answer. But this is also a different kind of rant.)

The point being that I am slowly converting my friends and I took an important step last weekend, by taking little SB to Toronto, to the Hockey Hall of Fame, and to her first NHL game. She has always enjoyed the fighting aspect of hockey but in recent years, she's come to appreciate a beautiful pass, a great defensive play or an amazing goal. SB is becoming a great hockey fan and this is the story of an important lesson she recently learned.

This post needed a picture. Why this one? Because they're all Canadian.

A few weeks ago, SB met a cute guy in her dodgeball league. They spent a lot of time out with the team, chatting and having some drinks. This led to them going on a date later in the week. Before the date, SB called me and I asked about this dude. She tells me that he's Canadian, more specifically, he's from Toronto. Of course, my first question: Does he like the Leafs?

"No, he said he doesn't really like hockey."

Wait, what??? I told SB that I had a bad feeling about this. This confused me so much. How could he be a cute Canadian guy who just flat-out didn't like hockey? What did he like then? I told SB that this was a waste of a perfectly good Canadian.

So the date happened and, to put it lightly, it did not go well. Not because he wasn't cute, not because he was dumb or rude or uninteresting or anything else. The Canadian Boy Who Hates Hockey was awkward. Awkward in ways a guy shouldn't be awkward lest he makes his date feel awkward and makes her want to immediately leave.

SB called once she finally escaped back to her apartment and this led to a great conversation in which I ended up, almost soberly, making a list of rules for dating. (Almost soberly = I was watching Hockey Night in Canada and a Red Wings game all in one night.)

Rules for dating:
Basically, there is no point in dating a Canadian guy that has no interest in hockey.* (There are exceptions.)

In Canada, hockey is a big deal. In American terms, hockey is like baseball, if football and basketball didn't exist. Little kids in America play Little League or soccer or whatever. Little kids in Canada play hockey. So the fact that this kid didn't play, can't skate and DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HOCKEY does not bode well for him and, I believe, explains why he was so awkward. My theory is that he was a loser growing up, which probably stems from his dislike of hockey, so he probably didn't have a lot of experience with girls and this explains his awkwardness. Therefore, you shouldn't date Canadian boys who don't like hockey because they will be bad kissers. This is the only conclusion I can draw.

*Now there are a few exceptions:
-Canadian boys who plays musical instruments well enough to be in bands (specifically drummers and bass guitarists)
-Canadian boys who play soccer
-Canadian boys who... (I could not think of the third exception from that night so I texted SB and asked her. Her response, "there is no third in my opinion")

And there you have it.

In addition to this, there are many reasons why we (Miss SB and I) love Canadian boys. Here are some of them:
First of all, the accents. I swoon at a man who emphasizes his o's like that.
Second of all, love of hockey. Duh.
Thirdly, they're so damn polite which is tres adorable.
Fourth, a good mix of city and outdoorsy boys. There is a good likelihood of finding a guy that wants to live the awesome city life but camp and hike in the middle of nowhere on the weekends.
Fifth, knowledge of the metric system. This is important when I'm asked if I want a 355mL beverage and I just stare at the cashier. I need a nice Canadian boy to say, "Honey, that's a can of Dr. Pepper."
Sixth, would be able to understand my terrible franglais that I speak in ALL THE TIME.

Seventh, would understand when I just want to stay home, drink beer and watch hockey all night. I'm just a girly-girl with tomboy tendencies.

Eighth, hot. SB just texted to remind me that Canadian boys are hot.

So here's to Canadian, hockey-loving boys, we love you. If you think of more reasons why we should love Canadians, leave 'em in the comments. I'm sure SB and I will come up with more.