What's the deal with Canadians?

I have actually been obsessed with Canada since I was very young. I'm not quite sure why but growing up about an hour from the border, it was a mysterious place. It's far enough away that I didn't go there on a regular basis but close enough that I never forgot it was there. It is a place where people love hockey and I think that is 80% of the appeal for me. I don't have a lot of friends that are really into hockey and most find my preoccupation with the sport to be strange. (Sometimes when my friends ask me how I'm doing and what's new, I end up telling them about the Red Wings 9-1 victory or how Phil Kessel scored 2 goals last night. I don't think this is an absurd answer. But this is also a different kind of rant.)

The point being that I am slowly converting my friends and I took an important step last weekend, by taking little SB to Toronto, to the Hockey Hall of Fame, and to her first NHL game. She has always enjoyed the fighting aspect of hockey but in recent years, she's come to appreciate a beautiful pass, a great defensive play or an amazing goal. SB is becoming a great hockey fan and this is the story of an important lesson she recently learned.

This post needed a picture. Why this one? Because they're all Canadian.

A few weeks ago, SB met a cute guy in her dodgeball league. They spent a lot of time out with the team, chatting and having some drinks. This led to them going on a date later in the week. Before the date, SB called me and I asked about this dude. She tells me that he's Canadian, more specifically, he's from Toronto. Of course, my first question: Does he like the Leafs?

"No, he said he doesn't really like hockey."

Wait, what??? I told SB that I had a bad feeling about this. This confused me so much. How could he be a cute Canadian guy who just flat-out didn't like hockey? What did he like then? I told SB that this was a waste of a perfectly good Canadian.

So the date happened and, to put it lightly, it did not go well. Not because he wasn't cute, not because he was dumb or rude or uninteresting or anything else. The Canadian Boy Who Hates Hockey was awkward. Awkward in ways a guy shouldn't be awkward lest he makes his date feel awkward and makes her want to immediately leave.

SB called once she finally escaped back to her apartment and this led to a great conversation in which I ended up, almost soberly, making a list of rules for dating. (Almost soberly = I was watching Hockey Night in Canada and a Red Wings game all in one night.)

Rules for dating:
Basically, there is no point in dating a Canadian guy that has no interest in hockey.* (There are exceptions.)

In Canada, hockey is a big deal. In American terms, hockey is like baseball, if football and basketball didn't exist. Little kids in America play Little League or soccer or whatever. Little kids in Canada play hockey. So the fact that this kid didn't play, can't skate and DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HOCKEY does not bode well for him and, I believe, explains why he was so awkward. My theory is that he was a loser growing up, which probably stems from his dislike of hockey, so he probably didn't have a lot of experience with girls and this explains his awkwardness. Therefore, you shouldn't date Canadian boys who don't like hockey because they will be bad kissers. This is the only conclusion I can draw.

*Now there are a few exceptions:
-Canadian boys who plays musical instruments well enough to be in bands (specifically drummers and bass guitarists)
-Canadian boys who play soccer
-Canadian boys who... (I could not think of the third exception from that night so I texted SB and asked her. Her response, "there is no third in my opinion")

And there you have it.

In addition to this, there are many reasons why we (Miss SB and I) love Canadian boys. Here are some of them:
First of all, the accents. I swoon at a man who emphasizes his o's like that.
Second of all, love of hockey. Duh.
Thirdly, they're so damn polite which is tres adorable.
Fourth, a good mix of city and outdoorsy boys. There is a good likelihood of finding a guy that wants to live the awesome city life but camp and hike in the middle of nowhere on the weekends.
Fifth, knowledge of the metric system. This is important when I'm asked if I want a 355mL beverage and I just stare at the cashier. I need a nice Canadian boy to say, "Honey, that's a can of Dr. Pepper."
Sixth, would be able to understand my terrible franglais that I speak in ALL THE TIME.

Seventh, would understand when I just want to stay home, drink beer and watch hockey all night. I'm just a girly-girl with tomboy tendencies.

Eighth, hot. SB just texted to remind me that Canadian boys are hot.

So here's to Canadian, hockey-loving boys, we love you. If you think of more reasons why we should love Canadians, leave 'em in the comments. I'm sure SB and I will come up with more.